A Weird Valentine's Day This Year

It’s Valentine’s Day and I’m in a weird place.

 

Matt, our Marketing Director here at the Link, asked me to write something Valentine-ish for this issue.  It could be about anything, he said.  It could be about your kids or romance or lack of romance.  You know, anything.  Something fun. 

 

I gave it some thought.  Maybe I could write about my 7 year-old daughter Olivia, and how she’s been getting the most adorable little love letters from a boy in her class.   Or, maybe I should write about my friends Nancie and Ed, whose annual Valentine’s Day Bring-A-Poem dinner party is far more romantic than dinner at even the swankiest restaurant.  Or about the 6^th grade, when Michael Jenkins gave me the single most beautiful handmade Valentine I’ll probably ever receive.

 

The problem is, no matter what I choose to write about, it feels weird.  Mostly because I’m just hesitant to be forthcoming about what’s happening in my life.  My husband and I have been separated now for more than a year.  Slowly, we’re both moving on.  Anyone who’s been in this situation knows the challenges, knows how surreal it all can feel from one moment to the next.  It’s almost like waking up one morning to discover that everything you once knew has to be entirely relearned.  Whatever else it is, it’s not an easy time.  It helps to have friends to talk to, to lean on, to ask, “Am I crazy?”

 

And that’s the part that gets weird for me.  If I talk frankly about my separation – whether it’s the reasons why, or the logistics of raising the kids, dividing the stuff, whatever – I rob my ex of his privacy.  There’s just no way around it.  And worse, if I say the wrong thing, I risk hurting his feelings.  No matter how angry or frustrated or miserable I may feel in the moment, I truly don’t want to be nasty.  (I don’t always succeed at this, by the way, and I know it.)

 

A few sentences ago, I mentioned that we’re both moving on.  Dating, after being in any long-term relationship, can be freaky.  No matter who initiates the breakup, seeing your ex with someone new is, well, weird.  It just is.  It was true when we were 16, and it’s still true now that we’re all grown up.  When my daughters talk about “Daddy’s friend Miss ___”, it’s a little bizarre.  It is!  I bet he feels the same way when they mention the man I’ve been seeing.  It’s new terrain to navigate, and from what I can tell, it sure helps to have a sense of humor.  Still, it’s tough.

 

Which brings me to Valentine’s Day.  If you’re lucky and blessed enough to have real love in your life, celebrate that.  I didn’t, and it was lonelier than being alone.  That’s been a hard truth to come to grips with.  But facing it has been a gift worth more than all the chocolates and flowers you can carry.  Which is why this Valentine’s Day, for the first time in a long time, I have something real to celebrate.  Hopefully, so do you.   

Comments

[Richard]

Sheri,

I do not know how you do it, but somehow you manage to touch the part that makes us realize that we have all been through this on some level.

My heart goes out to you and your girls for the recent personal developments that you are going through. As a divorced father of two girls, I can commiserate with you. To say that it is never easy and difficult, especially around the holidays is a tried but true cliche.

A year ago, I was attending Mass and the homily focused on personal trials and tribulations. The message was that we are quick to be thankful for the good times, but never for the bad. The bad times are what define us and shape us as individuals, and they serve as a spiritual reset/reboot.

This is your crucible, a chance to be reforged into something stronger. I have no doubt that in a few years, this will serve to give you greater insight not only with yourself, but with humanity as a whole.

Just remember, when all else fails, Winston Churchill said it best: "If you are going through hell, keep going."

Good luck and God bless.

[Karen]

Sheri,
Hang in there girl. Pray when the goin gets tough and when the going is good.

[rick gully]

sheri,

i have kept a button in all vehicles programmed for your station for years now so that i could listen to you when driving and in range(i'm not too far from you but in sc). i was talking to a good buddy of mine from huntersville tonight (one separated guy talking to another separated friend), and i actually brought your name up in the conversation. i was absolutely shocked and saddened when my buddy mentioned that your marriage was breaking up. ironically, what prompted me to bring you up is that i was making the comment that i hope to some day find someone who is at least real, has a healthy sense of self in the way that you appear to have, and has an inner beauty (i'm sure it humors you that i can think i know you in that way, having only listened to you for probably one time/week for many years now). your valentines email really hit home to me in that my separation and imminent divorce has been full of weird moments, especially when my 3 adorable kids are involved. i've made several hundred thousand-plus every year for the bulk of my 17 year marriage. after the economy took my business and portfolio through the perfect storm last year, my sweet wife decided to leave me after i had a difficult time staying afloat during the storm. everything that i thought my marriage stood for for so many years was apparently a hoax. money has never meant to me what it apparently meant and means to her. i still have days in which i think i must be dreaming. how could she be so shallow?

it's been only 5 months of separation for me, but i have finally accepted that it's over for sure. i am so fortunate to have 3 beautiful kids that i share custody with. others have finally convinced me as well that she apparently has done me a favor in showing me her true colors and character. regardless, my heart has plenty of room for forgiveness; and i thank God for her part in our having such beautiful, loving kids.

sheri,what i have always loved and adored about you is that you appear to be so honest, vulnerable, and willing to reveal your soul. you are real and willing to be true to yourself, revealing the good, bad, and ugly.

you are a true inspiration to many, including myself. i wish you nothing but the best in your future.

selfishly speaking, i'd love to meet you one day, as i'm sure i'm one of many who have expressed that wish.

i actually do have a great idea for a book that i'd love to co-author with you, should you have any interest.

sheri, you are truly one of a kind. i respect you in so many ways. best of luck to you in your life.

perhaps we can meet somehow one day soon. stay strong and continue to keep bob in line!

rick