A Weird Valentine's Day This Year

It’s Valentine’s Day and I’m in a weird place.

 

Matt, our Marketing Director here at the Link, asked me to write something Valentine-ish for this issue.  It could be about anything, he said.  It could be about your kids or romance or lack of romance.  You know, anything.  Something fun. 

 

I gave it some thought.  Maybe I could write about my 7 year-old daughter Olivia, and how she’s been getting the most adorable little love letters from a boy in her class.   Or, maybe I should write about my friends Nancie and Ed, whose annual Valentine’s Day Bring-A-Poem dinner party is far more romantic than dinner at even the swankiest restaurant.  Or about the 6^th grade, when Michael Jenkins gave me the single most beautiful handmade Valentine I’ll probably ever receive.

 

The problem is, no matter what I choose to write about, it feels weird.  Mostly because I’m just hesitant to be forthcoming about what’s happening in my life.  My husband and I have been separated now for more than a year.  Slowly, we’re both moving on.  Anyone who’s been in this situation knows the challenges, knows how surreal it all can feel from one moment to the next.  It’s almost like waking up one morning to discover that everything you once knew has to be entirely relearned.  Whatever else it is, it’s not an easy time.  It helps to have friends to talk to, to lean on, to ask, “Am I crazy?”

 

And that’s the part that gets weird for me.  If I talk frankly about my separation – whether it’s the reasons why, or the logistics of raising the kids, dividing the stuff, whatever – I rob my ex of his privacy.  There’s just no way around it.  And worse, if I say the wrong thing, I risk hurting his feelings.  No matter how angry or frustrated or miserable I may feel in the moment, I truly don’t want to be nasty.  (I don’t always succeed at this, by the way, and I know it.)

 

A few sentences ago, I mentioned that we’re both moving on.  Dating, after being in any long-term relationship, can be freaky.  No matter who initiates the breakup, seeing your ex with someone new is, well, weird.  It just is.  It was true when we were 16, and it’s still true now that we’re all grown up.  When my daughters talk about “Daddy’s friend Miss ___”, it’s a little bizarre.  It is!  I bet he feels the same way when they mention the man I’ve been seeing.  It’s new terrain to navigate, and from what I can tell, it sure helps to have a sense of humor.  Still, it’s tough.

 

Which brings me to Valentine’s Day.  If you’re lucky and blessed enough to have real love in your life, celebrate that.  I didn’t, and it was lonelier than being alone.  That’s been a hard truth to come to grips with.  But facing it has been a gift worth more than all the chocolates and flowers you can carry.  Which is why this Valentine’s Day, for the first time in a long time, I have something real to celebrate.  Hopefully, so do you.   

Comments

[Angie]

I know exactly where you're coming from. Many of us have been in that same situation....married, but so lonely. And yes, it is much easier to be physically alone than to be 'together' yet alone. Nobody deserves that.
I am proud to say that I am now happily remarried (after being a single mom for 4 years) to my true soulmate. We met and became friends, enjoyed hanging out together with our kids and then fell in LOVE!!! He's the one that genuinely loves me for who I am, deep down inside. This will be our first Valentine's Day together and we will celebrate the fact that we found each other, fell in love, and will continue to respect, love & appreciate each other.
Sheri, I wish you peace and happiness. (You are delightful to listen to every morning and I have enjoyed the show for 10 years now!)
Take care of yourself...
~Angie

[Jannine]

Your honesty is refreshing in a world where someone's always claiming to have the answers or knows what you "need to do!" Love you!

[Doreen]

Thank you for posting. I was going to do something this year that I have NEVER done and I was NOT going to get a card for my husband. He is VERY unromantic and takes me for granted often. I have always said to treat others the way you would want to be treated. So I will get him a card. Be blessed that you have someone you can love and celebrate it. Of course, having two children is always a reason to celebrate LOVE since they give it unconditionally. Happy V-day.

[Jake]

Sheri,
I just want to let you know, that even though I'm a bit younger than you, at 20 years old, I'd still take you out to dinner anytime. You're a fun person to listen to on the radio, and by the sounds of it, you'd be just as fun to be around off the air. So, if ever in the future you're feeling lonely, and you need someone to just kind of shoot the shit with, and talk..you know you have fans out there that truly think you're awesome. So good luck with everything going on in your life, and have a Happy Valentines Day.

[Lisa]

Sherry,
I hope you find true love that makes you so happy that you can't hardly stand it. You deserve it! All the best, Lisa

PS Thanks for making me laugh so hard in the morning that I just about pee my pants. Hug that Rainbow Kitten for me!

[miss Irene]

Having been in the same situation I always thought it was me that did something wrong .It took me years to figure out "everything happens for a reason" .I have heard you say a million times that you are where you are meant to be. So we did nothing wrong .We are where we are suppose to be and WE are the best.

[ToniElizabeth Stanek]

Hello Sheri: It's been a while since I have been able to listen to you via radio on Long Island and I have really missed your show. I remembered when Caramia was born and enjoyed all your funny tales about your lovely family. It was just today that I read that you have been seperated from your husband and I was so saddened by it. I am so sorry and hope that all will be settled for you soon. I loved your Valentine's Day blog, as I do with all your work and hope sometime soon I can hear you on radio or satelite soon. Lots of love and peace to you and your girls.

[C Glass]

I have not been able to listen to the show for quite some time, so was surprised & saddened to hear about you & Mark. You're an amazing person, and I'm sure you will find a love worthy of you. :)

[Beth]

Glad you felt comfortale sharing. It is hard to have kids and date. Hard to be in a marriage that is lonely. Been there on both accounts. Hang in there.
Make sure you come first and are happy, the rest will follow.

[Sherry]

Hey Sheri, What you say is so true. It's not only weird, but very hard. I was widowed with 2 small children, thought I found love, remarried and now divorced. I've been dating a fantastic man, I wish I could return his feelings, right now, I can't. Hopefully, someday, we can find that special someone, maybe I have and just don't know it yet. We are women, we won't give up! Hope to see you in Parkersburg in March!

[maryjane]

I REALLY ENJOY GETTING THE NEWSLATER ABOUT BOB AND SHERI.SINCE I MOVED TO PORTLAND, OREGON I CAN NOT GET THE RADIO SHOW. AND THAT IS SO SAD FOR ME. SINCE I LISTENED FOR YRS TO THEM
ANYWAY. I WISH HAPPINESS FOR YOU BOTH

[amy spurlin]

This may or may not help you feel any better....but I think you're amazing. To live your life as publicly as you do (not that you can really help it), and yet be as frank as you are about what's going on in your life is a tough thing to do. But look at what you've accomplished. You've got a fabulous radio show, and you're a published writer! If you hadn't entered into the marraige you did, you wouldn't have your beautiful daughters and I bet you wouldn't change that for the world. As much as it seems difficult now, God doesn't bring us anything we can't handle and sometimes what seems to be the worst thing we've ever experienced on the surface turns out to be the best thing we could have imagined. Hang in there. You've got lots of good friends and lots of listeners rooting for you. God bless.

[Cynthia]

Thoughtful posting. I agree with you on keeping comments about the ex as positive as possible. I teach high school kids, and the WORST thing divorced parents can do is trash each other verbally, ad nauseum. It makes the kids eventually loathe both parents! Your daughters are lucky to have you both, still, in their lives. God bless!

[Amy]

Hi Sheri - I should be working now but find myself reading your post and wanting to respond. I cried reading this. I'm in the place you must have been in a little over a year ago. Do I stay or do I go? Life feels lonely. Work is hard and not an escape anymore. There are financial considerations. My son. Your honesty and openess are part of my slowly coming to terms with what I have think I need to do. I hope you don't ever discount the effect you have on listeners. Thanks for displaying the spirit and attitude that you do on air. I keep telling myself that it all works out OK, in the end and the right direction will come. The yucky parts are just yucky. Some days i believe that and on other days it harder. Thanks for making me laugh on either kind of day!

[Wendi]

Sheri, you are an amazing woman. I honestly don't know how you do it. I have been a long time listner, so I feel for everything that you and the others go through. I truly hope that one day you find someone that will bring you and give you all the happiness that you deserve.. You appear to be a very strong woman, so hang in there..

[Jenee]

Hi. I'm a bit late to comment, but I wanted to anyway. I've been listening to your show for many years now, so like many of your listeners I feel like I have a good idea of who you are as a person. You are smart and funny, and even if it's true that you've taken things for granted in life, you are certainly not alone in that truth. You have the greatest love in your life that any person can ever know, and that is the love of your children. Everything else is just bonus. In my opinion, things have a way of working out like they are supposed to. ;)

[Gary]

Hi Sheri, I understand what being separated feels like. It was hands down the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. Much, much harder than getting a college degree or starting a new job. Mainly because it is so intensely personal. Breakup runs to the core of your being the way nothing else can. When it gets there, to your core, it ain't pretty. It's a disaster. I was a mess. Lucky for me I never gave up on us or the woman I love and we eventually got back together. Now it is a memory like the nightmare I never had but always feared Stephen King might send me. Of course at the time I didn't know we would get back together. I was going through the process of wondering who I really was and does it even make sense to see anyone ever again. Or was there something fundamentally wrong with me that made me unfit for a totally entwined togetherness. I don't know how you felt but when my wife and I separated I felt like I had contracted the plague. Everyone stopped coming around or calling. My wife called me more than anyone else and she wasn't happy with me. That tells you how alone I felt. I thought my telephone ringer was broken. But not really. I really felt like everone had abandoned me except for my family. I would have melted down if it weren't for them. But in some ways I think I needed to really FEEL that pain in order to change and come through the fire as a new person. Hopefully a better person. People if there is one thing you can take away from this diatribe it should be this: be there for your friends and family during those rough times. Don't wait for them to express a need. When you know they are going through a rough time go to them and spend some time. It will make all the difference. Sheri my wife and I would love to share experiences if you ever want to talk to someone.

[Peter Jenness]

Sheri, I just heard about your seperation. I've been through big changes lately myself. I have found, though, that even if it is very painful at the time, the Lord sends us where we are supposed to go. Everything happens for a reason. It does, and eventually it will make sense. This ,may be both a blessing and a curse, but take solice in the fact that you are not alone. You are not alone. There are tens of thousands of people who care about you like a sister. It will make sense someday. I've had times when I've asked the Lord "Why are you putting me through this" but I look back and say now that it was for the best. Take care.

[Staci Packham]

Sheri - just remember, although most people celebrate love on Valentine's Day between partners, it is just as special when you receive that hand made Valentine's Day card from your girls. In my case, it was my son. I went through 3 years alone as a single Mom but my son, and his teachers who assisted in helping him make these special cards, will forever hold a special place in my heart. Remember the love of your girls, which should always come first!

[Jodi]

Sheri,
I've been looking so forward to another blog from and you never disappoint. I love your honesty and have found myself many times wishing I lived closer to you and that we couldbe friends because I think you are awesome, as I'm sure the friends in your life do.
I understand your thoughts and feelings about Valentines Day. I've been where you are and it is wierd. I am 43, twice divorced with two daughters, although mine are older than yours. My fiance is also twice divorced with two grown sons. He and I have known each other since junior high but only got together 5 1/2 years ago. We have both never been happier. Life throws you many curve balls, but believe in the fact that everything happens for a reason. We are who we are because of what we go through. Life makes us stronger and wiser. There is someone out there for everyone. I truly believe that. I just think it takes some of us longer to find them.
Thanks for another great blog. I hope you will write another book someday!
Take care!

[JoLynda Morales]

Hi Sheri, You have such a talented way with words...and with honesty. I also have been there and understand. I am now with the love of my life. My high school sweetheart from 23+ yrs ago. But not to be about me here...I wanted to tell you that it is so refreshing to read your honest words. I appreciate why you don't speak of it more and respect you for it and also I respect what you do have to say about it. Thank you for that and for every day you are on the air. It will get better. Keep the faith.
JoLynda

[Marcus Dix]

Sheri,

It seems many and most listners assume you need someone in order to feel complete. Altough I am happily married, I believe we both know that being a single but strong person sometimes is the best! Stay sweet, bless you for not trashing your Ex and most of all, stay true to yourself!

[Gena Davis]

Sheri, I somewhat know exactly what you're talking about. Even though I'm young I was with my soon to be ex-husband for 11 years. We started dating when I was 14 and he was 16. We had a fairy tale relationship. We waited for each other for 7 years. Our marriage lasted only 4 years. Right after our 11 year anniversary, he came home one night and told me that he didn't love me anymore or didn't feel anything for me. Well I tried and tried for two months to get him to come around and nothing! So I slowly moved into my own place. Of course, after that he regretted everything. We are still friends. We were each other's best friends anyways. We just just grew up and apart. But yeah it is rough after a long term relationship to get use to dating again and all the lonely holidays. We didn't have any kids but we still talk, text and see each other pretty often. Which makes it kinda awkward with the whole dating scenario thrown in. But que sera sera. Time heals everything. I pray for him every night and myself as well. I pray that we can both find happiness in someone else. I already have but he just can't let go. Just recently he got the car of our dreams! A 1967 Pontiac GTO. So the firs thing he did was call me and of course I couldnt answer because I was with my boyfriend. But he was so happy that he got it and invited me to go for a ride in it. We wanted that exact car for a very long time and he finally got it. So we still share lil things like that and I hope we always will be civil enough to. Anyways, I love yall's show! I listen to it every morning! BOB IS A CHIT CHAT!

[Stace']

Hang in there.

Comes the dawn...

[Ellen]

Sheri. I wake up to you guys every morning when you start to tell some of your stories that are so funny it makes my day go so much smoother. I am 70 years old.( but inside I'm 17,) so keep me laughing. My Husband and I both thank you for starting our day with those cute quips...Keep torching Bob, and keep happy.